First Rehearsal

We started our rehearsal with conversation about where I was mentally, emotionally that day. I have been listening to Anna Deavere Smith's "Letters To A Young Artists" for the past few days. Came across this audio version of the book on NYPL's website. I have been thoroughly enjoying listening to them on the Subways as I travel around the city. She speaks to so many things we as artists think about and deal with. Very practical advice. I am loving it and advice every artist to read/listen to it.

Anyways, I started talking with Fran about the Masterclass I had just finished taking at LAByrinth Theatre and that in one of the classes I became a victim of immense self-doubt. So much so that I decided that week that I was done with acting. Artists' Way and Ms. Smith's audio book kept me sane and I realised that I needed to carve a path for myself. To that effect I have decided to form an Artists' Collective. I have great hope for it. My determination is to find that childlike playfulness and joy I used to find when I was younger and didn't really know what I was doing.

Self-doubt is tough to deal with and Fran assured me that we will work from a place of non-judgementalness (not a real word, I know). That made me feel comforted and that i could fail in front of her without fear of shame. Ms. Smith also speaks to this matter. She says your art is what only you can create, so then how can you compare your work of art with someone else's?

We started our rehearsal with a discussion of gesture as Pina Bausch describes it. Then Fran gave me clay to play with keeping in mind the words I had written for the solo show. The above picture shows you what I created. And then we explored The Viewpoints, what they are, their meaning and how we experience them and can use them. I feel that for the first time I have really understood this. It was exciting when we looked out the window and saw- a car was being parked and a woman nearby was standing under an umbrella outside a store looking into the glass pane. Just as soon as the car was parked the woman started walking. It was magical. Kinesthetic response. Even when we don't know it.

After this, Fran gave me a composition exercise. I had 30 minutes to prepare and very specific guidelines, but within those I had freedom. Interestingly enough, I wasn't scared of this exercise. I had the confidence I could do it. Was it that I knew that Fran wasn't going to judge me? Most likely. At the end of 30 minutes, as I hid behind a cardboard plank to start my short performance, I was feeling all tickled like I used to as a kid when I used to play games or stage plays with my cousins, plays that were never intended for an audience. It was just FUN. It is tough to explain the feeling of accomplishment those 5 minutes of performance gave me. I felt appreciated, connected to myself and not pushing for results. This was a great rehearsal.

I don't really have much work these days. Haven't been this poor in a while. Haven't had this much time in my hands in a while. I suppose it is a good thing right now because I am able to connect with my creativity. I am also taking Yoga classes these days. Got a free 3 month membership at David Barton Gym. If you can afford it, please join this gym. if could, I would. They are awesome! I never thought I would say that about a gym. Their facilities and this yoga teacher- Paulo Hudson- is amazing. So, breathing in parts of my body that I forget to connect with- simple yet tough to do when you've lost contact.

Well, we have a ways to go as far as the solo-show is concerned, but I am very excited. It will be a dream-come-true when I perform this in front of an audience for the first time. My ideal audience is teenage girls. I have much to learn.