Yes. She is back. She sneaks up on you. Just when you think you're looking okay....BAM! she attacks. First your brain..no wait. First the body. Hmmm....hard to say. All I know is she is back & she is making me feel very bad about myself.
She chastizes me. But she's the one who also lures me. She says eat & then she says shame on you for eating. I don't think she ever leaves me alone. When I think she's gone..... I'm wrong. She is just sitting in the corner waiting, plotting her next move. She let's me think I'm free of her, and I rejoice. That's what she loves. Attacking me when I'm happy. She will make me think of the thin women around me & say "how dare you be happy. Look at you!"
The fat biaatch is not back. She never left. She's my permanent tenant. She's lived here so long that an eviction notice cannot be issued anymore. Oh Purgatory! Oh Mephistophilis!
POST SCRIPT: I realize that even the title of this post is offensive because I connect the words fat & bitch. I hope that if you are reading this you know that it is about my own body-image issues. Self-love...unconditional self-love is tough. This post or the title is not meant to be an insult to any women. My hope is that women who "feel" fat (whether or not they truly are) will relate to this post. I suppose I should title these inner thoughts something else. BodyLogue is a search for that mental place where I can move away from thoughts like "fat".
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